Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
This house was built for laser tag.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
