Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
