Your face is a jimmy john
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
