i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
