she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
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