I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Randomize
