k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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