Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
