we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
