So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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