You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
