how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
