oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
You have to summon your inner elephant
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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