what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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