Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
