all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
there is glitter all over my balls
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