i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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