I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
