At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
