I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
