I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
