I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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