Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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