For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
How's work?
Spinning.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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