Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Is it penis luge time yet?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
