he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Use "feeling words"
Yay
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Randomize
