my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
