God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I'm like, not good at living.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
