so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
