Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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