I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
