It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
