The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Randomize
