I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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