I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
