Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
