based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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