the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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