Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
