I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
