I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
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