you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
