It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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