I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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