just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
She swung at the pinata with crutches
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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