I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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