I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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