??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
