sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
