Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
